Diary of A Dream

Did you see me rob the bank?

Mon, 05 May 2008 10:02:02 +0530

A man burst into a crowded bank, ordered everyone into a corner, and then got his bag filled with packets of money.

But instead of running out, he approached the crowd of terrified customers. He picked out one and asked, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber then shot him in the head, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

"No sir, I sure didn"t," the man said and sensing an opportunity he then added -- "But my wife did."

Tasty Tea

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 17:12:45 +0530

One day a mother was out and the dad was in charge. He was sitting in living room engrossed in the evening news when their one-and-a-half-year-old son brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', in his toy cup which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch the toddler bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing.'

Mom waited, and sure enough, here comes baby down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet?"

Men Vs Women - Again

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 16:00:21 +0530

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."

"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"),

Because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

Dedicated to all the smart women..... and all the men that have a good sense of humor!

Funny Answering Machines Messages

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 15:00:20 +0530

1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as Soon as we're finished.

2. A, is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here, so leave a message.

3. Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

4. Hi, Now you say something.

5. Hi, I'm not at home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead, Wait for the beep.

6. Hello. I'm David's answering machine. Who are you?

7. From a Japanese He-lo! This is Santo. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave "sexy message," I call u sooner!

8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

9. Hello, You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give charity through their office and do not need their pictures taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

10. This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.

11. Hi. I am probably home. I'm avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

13. If you are a burglar, then we're at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't answer the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it is safe to leave us a message.

14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right, real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you.

Discoveries and Inventions by Men And Women

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 17:09:35 +0530

Men discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,

Women discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

Men discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,

Women discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

Men discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS,

Women discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY.

Men discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,

Women discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

Men discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,

Women discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.

Men discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,

Women discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.

Thereafter Men have discovered and invented a lot of things...

While Women STUCK to shopping.

Friends......

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 16:25:29 +0530

खुशी भी दोस्तो से है, गम भी दोस्तो से है,
तकरार भी दोस्तो से है, प्यार भी दोस्तो से है,
रुठना भी दोस्तो से है, मनाना भी दोस्तो से है,
बात भी दोस्तो से है, मिसाल भी दोस्तो से है,
नशा भी दोस्तो से है, शाम भी दोस्तो से है,
जिन्दगी की शुरुआत भी दोस्तो से है,
जिन्दगी मे मुलाकात भी दोस्तो से है,
मौहब्बत भी दोस्तो से है, इनायत भी दोस्तो से है,
काम भी दोस्तो से है, नाम भी दोस्तो से है,
ख्याल भी दोस्तो से है, अरमान भी दोस्तो से है,
ख्वाब भी दोस्तो से है, माहौल भी दोस्तो से है,
यादे भी दोस्तो से है, मुलाकाते भी दोस्तो से है,
सपने भी दोस्तो से है, अपने भी दोस्तो से है,
या यूं कहो यारो, अपनी तो दुनिया ही दोस्तो से है.

Men Vs Women

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 11:06:50 +0530

MEN:

1. All men are extremely busy.

2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.

3. Although they have time for women, they don"t really care for them.

4. Although they don"t really care for them, they always have one Around.

5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others.

6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women leaves them.

7. Although the women leaves them they still don"t learn from their Mistakes and still try their luck withothers.

Women:

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.

2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive Clothes.

3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.

4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress Beautifully.

5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".

6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still Expect you to compliment them.

7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don"t Believe you.

The untold rules for Men

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 16:08:37 +0530

1. The female always makes the rules.

2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No male can possibly know all the rules.

4. If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

5. The female is never wrong.

6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the female.

10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

~ amit ~

Try saying these fast!!

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 12:19:26 +0530

Try saying these fast!!

ALL THE BEST.......

1.If you understand, say "understand". If you don"t understand, say "don"t understand". But if you understand and say "don"t understand". How do I understand that you understand? Understand!

2.I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won"t wish the wish you wish to wish.

3.Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.

4.A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.

5.Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People

6.If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?

7.I thought a thought. But the thought I thought wasn"t the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn"t have thought so much.

8.Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?"

9.Mr Inside went over to see Mr. Outside. Mr. Inside stood outside and called to Mr. Outside inside. Mr. Outside answered Mr. Inside from inside and Told Mr. Inside to come inside. Mr. Inside said "NO", and told Mr. Outside to come outside. Mr. Outside and Mr. Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr. Outside coaxed Mr. Inside to come inside, then both Mr. Outside and Mr. Inside went outside to the riverside.

10.SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES

11.The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.

12.If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors? "When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor"s the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor"s way"

13.We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We"ll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not. watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.

14.Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.

15.A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the fly" Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the flue

16.If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.

17.Mr. See owned a saw. And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See"s saw sawed Soar"s seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore. Had Soar seen See"s saw Before See sawed Soar"s seesaw, See"s saw would not have sawed Soar"s seesaw. So See"s saw sawed Soar"s seesaw. But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See"s saw sawed Soar"s seesaw.....

Jawab Jinka Nahin

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 17:44:42 +0530

जवाब जिनका नही वो सवाल होते है,

जो देखने में नही कुछ, कमाल होते है,

तराश्ता हूँ तुझे जिन में अपने लफ्जों से,

बहुत हसीन मेरे वो ख्याल होते है,

हसीन होती है जितनी बला की दो आँखें,

उसी बला के उन आंखों में जाल होते हैं,

वह गुनगुनाते हुए, यूँही, जो उठाते है,

क़दम कहाँ, वो क़यामत की चाल होते हैं,